Tuesday, April 9, 2013

Answer the Calling

Last Sunday, our minister, gently reminded, that God's call is today- whether it be for a career change, the new city to live in that has been resting on your heart, mending a relationship, a calling spiritually-your life presenting itself, presently. Take notice and sew it into your day, now. This message resonated, and deeply.  I feel this calling, and this message of today is and has been dwelling, or I should say I have been saying soon, when the list, the everyday list, is finished.  The list that becomes the vice; an excuse. At every urge to  explore more creatively, to do rather than dream, I wave my own list in my face and push up against the last minute, hoping that the very last minute will be enough time to explore my own curiosity of creativity.  But it never is. So I have to just begin, even when it doesn't makes sense or come together exactly envisioned. I finally confess to myself that the anxious feeling I have of time slipping by is only from not doing rather than doing so much. Or rather, it's time slipping by from not doing what I feel a deep tug towards. This feeling is physical. Do what you love- the message reverberates, the message is louder. I feel it in the shock of my alarm when all is still dark, when all is still slumbering in dreams, healing, restoring, growing. I feel it on a walk surrounded by all those vibrant, brilliant colors, even grey, sometimes especially grey.

I day dream about creative exploration. I collect things for it, not knowing what they are for, maybe a practice in keeping a collection of my wanderings and visualizations. What is this hold I have over what I feel so strongly for? What am I trying to control or keep from myself? Little by little, just try. I say just try, and try again until I just feel ease, peace, calm. I've started again...today it's here. A few weeks ago it was with paint. Again tomorrow begins, and it is another TODAY. Answer the calling.